My wife says I always complain. "Not enough waves". "Waves are too small". "Waves were inconsistent". "Water is too cold". Yeah, I complain a lot. And I have a gripe with El Nino:
Dear El Nino (or boy which ever you choose):
Come on kid, another big fucking swell? Tell you the truth, I've paddled out in all of your swells this winter, and I've got accustomed to them, but I'm a proletariat surfer, not a pro. And for every one of your waves that I catch, I get ten of them on the head, thrown to the bottom or I'm yell at your waves to "Break damn it!!!" But that doesn't help because they somehow always find the top of my head. I'm almost 40, and my levels of testosterone are pretty leveled out. All I'm looking for is a fun filled three days here and there. If I sound defensive, kid, I'm sorry. But I've sort of had it up to here with all your shitty tantrums. And half of your big ass swells have been junk anyway. Sorry to be so harsh, but I have my reasons. Maybe it's just been a bad week (It's been a really bad fucking week, kid). Or maybe it's just my lower back which doesn't want to heal, but fuck, can we just get a swell that is 5-8ft?
Sincerely,
B.D.
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