Bypassing and Passing on The Stoke.

Best to be cordial. 

It was about six in the morning at one of the reefs in my neighborhood.  It was just me and my buddy "The beard".  There wasn't much waves out there, just a lot of hope.  Like most surfers in San Diego, we were restless and grumpy because of the wave drought.  There were a few days of wind swell which made it fun, but if your brightest days are wind swell, well, then you know you've been wave deprived.  We sat out at that reef for about an hour with only two waves each under our belts until an older guy paddled out and asked us "How early did you guys get out here?"

The older guy paddled right to the top of the lineup and commenced to paddle and take most of the good waves for the next hour.  The Beard had to leave for work, so it was just me and the old guy for about another hour.  The older guy didn't say a thing.  He would take off when he had priority and when he didn't and he stayed dead silent.  Another guy paddled out, but we knew each other.  So during the long, long lulls we cracked jokes about stupid nothings.  As I'm paddling back after a wave the older yelled at my friend "I came to surf not to hear your stupid voice!"  Silence and awkwardness were the feelings for the next few moments, for whatever stoke was in the air on that inconsistent day of surf was squeezed out of the session like air leaving a big pink balloon.

That session kind of got to me that day.  The "older guy" continued his grumpiness during the entire session, even when his friends paddled out, who were all nice guys, full of stoke and jokes.  An hour later, he went on a tirade about how he misses "The older crew" and how they would regulate the lineups and this and that.  A real negative Nellie that guy was.  It sort of bummed me out that day.   Even if those comments weren't directed at me, I just felt for some of the other guys in the lineup, even his buddies who had looks on their face like "Here goes this Motherf*&r again with his bullshit" looks.  I felt like it was not only disrespectful to the entire lineup but also to the core of what surfing is all about.

I  stayed to myself the entire day, trying to figure out if the innocence and joy of surfing was stolen from me that morning.  I have been audience and a direct recipient of such tirades before but this asshole stole the show.  Maybe because I didn't say anything, or maybe because none of his buddies said nothing to shut him up.  I was sorely disappointed with surfing all together.  But the swell was coming up, and there had not been waves for a while, and I wasn't going to let that Negative Nellie impact my way of life so I decided to paddle back out in the afternoon.

The waves were good, and every starved San Diegan came out and tried to get a piece of whatever wave they could.  I tried not to surf in the pack, but the pack became the whole beach and before you knew it, I was scratching for every wave.  That's kinda when I get in my zone.  Either when it's big and you need to focus or when it's crowded and I need to focus on getting to peaks.  And so was this other fella sitting next to me, who was scanning the depths of the Pacific Ocean for that clean peak, targeting it before anybody else could get to it.

And then there was a set.  Me and this fella spotted it at the same time and the race began.  I jumped on my board, letting it pop out from under me to give me a quick boost to get ahead of him.  We scratched, paddled and even used our legs to get to the peak.  But I paddled to far to the right of the wave, and all my spirit, all that excitement went to shit.  He had the inside track to the curl giving him priority and this was a great wave, peaked up and ready to avalanche a big white curtain all the way to the beach.  I watched "the guy" paddle for it as I pulled up.   And then he looked at me.  With a quick smile, he pulled up and said four words that changed my entire attitude that day and from then on.  "You got it bud".  He pulled up and I pulled in and rode that five footer all the way to the beach with a big smile on my face.  With each turn, a bit of hope and joy returned with it, filling my cup back up to the rim. 

I tried to find that fella to not only thank him for the wave but thank him for restoring the feeling of what surfing is all about, "Aloha". I was on the brink of becoming that older asshole, but instead I was back to my regular self, a true and bound surfer spreading the stoke.  Instead of trying to reinvent the wheel to make my point, there is this paragraph in Shaun Tomson's book "Surfer's Code" that will bring this entry home:

"Imagine this scenario, A surfer is sitting on his board in a crowded line-up.  A wave rolls in, and he is in a position to catch it.  Suddenly he turns to the man or woman sitting alongside him and says, <<YOU TAKE THIS ONE.>>  What has he done?  With four words he has immediately created a less competitive atmosphere in the surf, and most likely that surfer who enjoyed the wave will return the favor down the line, and pass a wave along to someone else.  It is tough out in the water today.  We all get frustrated at crowded surf spots, but it is easy enough to help create some unexpected good will in the water.  One thing I know - another wave will always come through". 

Since that encounter with that fella who gave up his wave for me, I have practiced giving at least three waves a session.  And I haven't ran into a grumpy old asshole since.

Here is a punt for passing on the stoke.